Everyone has the right to be offended, but it’s still just a choice (like what colour pants you choose to wear). — Humans are weird. That was my thought as two separate but cognitively linked things happened on the same day in my life. In the morning, over a nice cup of coffee, the Significant Other Penguin told me that a large UK retailer had got some backlash after its Christmas advert…

Five things you’re allowed to know about my identity and four things you’re not. — What constitutes your identity? If society is determined that we play identity politics then this is a question I feel compelled to ask. Who gets to define the parameters of who I am. What’s their agenda and why does it matter? Here are five things I think I have defined…

Updated for 2023 and beyond! (Now with added cute pictures) — I’ve been writing on Medium for what feels like 800 years — but is in fact only five. Still, that’s a long time by Medium standards. Being British, I am also a fan of etiquette and rules. A few years ago I put together a little handbook of Medium etiquette…

And you’re all invited to attend. It’ll be exactly like Hunger Games, but theoretical and snack sized. — Ben and I are doing separate research for our first Panopticon throw down. I say we’re doing separate research, he’s diligently combing the internet for solid sources and useful stats whilst I’m going to check ChatGPT twenty minutes before the deadline and rely on rhetorical flourish. I jest. I will…

Including what happens to dead whales, how to move your cows and why you shouldn’t handle fish in suspicious circumstances. — Two years ago one of my regular readers requested I write a piece about quirky British laws. Aside from being an argumentative penguin, I am also a part-time legal eagle. I’m not a lawyer or a solicitor but I do work with various bits of UK law and would consider…

On behalf of everyone here in the UK, you’re all very welcome. — The word ‘Gun’ is etymologically interesting. It doesn’t seem to be related to many other words in the English language and that’s because it isn’t. Words are like that sometimes. Before there were guns, there were cannons. That’s pretty simple. It’s from the Old French ‘Canon’ picked up after the…

One thing is for sure, it wouldn’t be pleasant… — Welcome to ‘Words with Penguin’. I’m planning on penning a short series of articles about words — that’s because a) I’m a playwright and I love words and b) I’m very busy at the moment and articles like these are low-hanging fruit for etymologically minded birds like me. So here’s…

We need to stop pathologising our existence and pay more attention to how we use words — Flankers. If I could use one word to describe modern western society, the word would be flankers. In a society reticent to engage in open dispute (because offence has been weaponised) a new system is required by which you, the individual, can win an argument without participating very much. After…

There’s a new publication in town and you are cordially invited to not submit to it (yet) — Did you know the Mandarin for ‘Penguin’ is ‘Business Goose’? That’s just one of the many things I’ve learned since writing on Medium. I’ve learned a lot of things. It’s been quite the voyage of discovery both personal and political. …