He’s looking for a no-score draw and the mutually assured destruction of Amber Heard — Johnny Depp is unlikely to win his court case for libel, I’m not convinced he’s got a chance in hell. He already tried a court case for libel over here in the UK against one of our tabloid papers who called him a ‘wifebeater’. He lost in spectacular fashion. I…

Five things you’re allowed to know about my identity and four things you’re not. — What constitutes your identity? If society is determined that we play identity politics then this is a question I feel compelled to ask. Who gets to define the parameters of who I am. What’s their agenda and why does it matter? Here are five things I think I have defined…

I’m away at the moment, so please leave a message after the tone — In case you missed the memo I am now frantically writing filler articles to cover my four day holiday. My plane leaves in a few hours and I haven’t checked in yet. For that reason and many others this is the last of my compilation articles. Check my recent stories…

That’s right… it’s a filler episode — I’m currently AFK. Hah! Never thought I’d type that again after 2008, but I did. While I’m running around the streets of Budapest looking at history, I feel like you guys might enjoy looking at some history of your own. Penguin style. History is my favourite thing to write on…

But it will resume shortly — Normally I’m ahead of the game and have stories ready to go in my schedule — not this time. My powers of timely writing have failed me and my flight to Budapest leaves in a few hours. I am taking the Significant Other Penguin away for their birthday. It’s a…

Bringing a bit of balance to the media landscape and kicking back at the perpetual doomscrollers — If you tune into everyone’s favourite online vampire, even just once a week, you might be under the impression the world is currently fractured beyond all recognition. Everyone is out to get you. Your chance of making it, even to the end of this sentence, is remote. But you made…

It depends on what you consider the point of stories to be — I’m sceptical of any society that chooses to ban books. It doesn’t sit right with me and it never has. That’s a broadly libertarian position, I think if you can write it down in book form then other people should be allowed to read it. I don’t even make the…

But not now and not like this. The Conservative right is playing with fire. — Roe v. Wade is back. The legal equivalent of the Sharknado franchise, full of hot air, dangerous choices and somehow continuing for an implausibly lengthy period of time. If you’ve been reading me for a while then, despite the title, chances are you’ll likely know my position on this issue…

We Are Your Friendly Homeland Security Disinformation Governance Board. Thanks for attending today’s briefing. — Today is Wednesday 20th August 2038 We have a few things to share with you today. It’s been suggested by rogue dissidents that we’ve begun ‘executing’ people at the border. This is disinformation. We have begun a process of carefully flowcharting immigrants across a binary system comprising instant repatriation or…