First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your husband. Lewy body dementia is a particularly nasty form of dementia to have, and for loved ones to watch as it progresses — it looks like you have been emotionally affected by this column in a way the author probably never intended, that is the way it can be when we use words to express how and what we think.
It’s interesting to read why you use the words partner and beloved, but both of those words feel wrong in my mouth. If I were to talk about the significant other penguin with these words, it wouldn’t work. Partner feels too formal, I have a business partner and the word feels very formal to me. Likewise beloved, it doesn’t sit right with me and feels false and too contrived in my mouth. The significant other penguin is my X-friend (redacted for Penguin reasons), they are the love of my life, my best friend and my companion — but they aren’t my beloved or my partner.
That isn’t to say you can’t use it and describe it the way you wish to do so — and that’s the nature of freedom of language. Your words don’t have to be my words — and words should never be compelled. The freedom to describe the world in your own terms comes with the caveat that others can push back — but your interpretation and your words are your own. The fact you call your husband your partner and your beloved requires no pushback. However, an expectation (rather than a free choice) of what to refer to your partner/husband/beloved/boyfriend/girlfriend prevents people from making a free choice. That’s not how I think about language and how it should work in practice. As with cultural appropriation, I believe everything should be shared with everyone else and everyone should be free to explore and explain the world they see fit. Suggesting there is a ‘right way’ to refer to another is, semantically at least, enforcing upon others a cultural norm of your own.
And no, I was not upset about what Native Friend had to say — my writing is generally free from emotion, I do not often get swayed in different emotional directions by reading and writing, it’s not a healthy way to live or to be in the modern world, particularly if you put opinions onto the internet. That may be why you find me heartless and cold, you may be reading more intent and malice into my work than I generally have — I’m more than chill than you probably think.
