Fretting is the wrong word when it comes to generalised misandry — and I have no doubt that Jessica Valenti resonates with a lot of feminists. The issue is that society cannot replace misogyny with misandry and expect progress to occur. That’s where our views diverge significantly and whilst it’s easy to dismiss men as butt-hurt and slam men for everything — ultimately that will not achieve the goals of feminism. It makes the world less safe for both men and women.
Often, these articles are rhetoric heavy and solution light. They state a position but not a goal or a way forward. It’s very easy to rile up a core base of followers who all resonate with the general message ‘all men are bastards’ but what’s next? Does that create a world where women get assaulted less? Or does it increase societal tensions? Whilst I’m arguing that more people have to read articles like yours — I’m also arguing that less people need to read articles like hers.
I need to stress how important it is that it isn’t about being butt-hurt — and i understand your point of misogyny vs misandry, but this isn’t about replacing one with the other and levelling up women to be equal in their hate. Society will never make any progress if that is the solution on offer.
Consider the language you’ve employed — ‘that should be y’all’s to bear, not ours’ — this suggests a world of binary opposition that I can’t subscribe to. We exist as one species and we have to find meaning through each other and through our day to day interactions (like this debate). Teaching a generation of girls to fear and hate men, and a whole generation of boys to fear and hate women isn’t empowerment, it’s nihilistic.The outcome will be an inevitable increase in violence against women (and men).
Nothing in my catalogue of experience is comparable with the levels of violence that you have experienced. I wouldn’t pretend for a second that‘s the case —As i mentioned before, I have a background in working with very damaged and traumatised children and in Psychology more generally. Our personal stories do not compare, our psychological territories overlap somewhat.
That doesn’t mean either of us are right, being ‘right’ is subjective anyway. It means that we have different approaches to the same problem. You come from a place of subjective experience and anger, I come from a place of human-patterns and relative objectivity. The two are often incompatible, but there’s a place of learning and development that occurs between the two.
I would say that the main thrust of my desire to discuss comes from this point. Everyone thinks they’re the good guy right? You. Me. Joe Biden. Alyssa Milano. Even Jessica Valenti. In the personal narratives of our life, we are always on the side of good and justice. All of us believe that and believe it a fundamental level…. but it cannot be true. Truth is subjective. Now either we can sit down as you and I have done, and try to change each other’s mind about the complexity of our lived experience — or we can set ourselves to broadcast and retreat into echo chambers. I know which one I prefer and which one will be better for society.
