Great article. A failed relationship is exactly that... a failure of two people to relate. That doesn't have to be the fault of any individual. It's a process that has broken down between people. There are many unhealthy relationships that are stable (think that couple that should divorce about 30 years ago), there are many healthy relationships that break down for other reasons that have nothing to do with toxicity. People can just grow apart. The tendency towards blaming the other person is a reflexive self defence mechanism that your brain invents to allow you to carry on being the hero (or victim) in your own narrative. More self reflection is always needed after a breakup, messy or otherwise.