Great article — but I remain unconvinced on the logic. The reason I remain unconvinced is to do with the conclusion that you’ve drawn. Primarily I think that individuals will bumble through and change will occur at a micro-level and as a result on a macro-level. Individual experiences like the one documented between you and your friend will cause your behaviour to shift and your behaviour shifting will cause you to have a different outlook from your parents, and for your children to have a different outlook.
When that internal process of realisation is circumvented by an outside pressure, you get resistance. A political or social movement dictating how people must think (no matter how well intended) creates a reactionary counter by default. The more attempts there are to assert sex equality, the slower the rate of equality will be achieved. We’re in the beginning of the backlash now — because there were some fundamental errors in the #MeToo movement that contained the seeds of its self immolation.
Seen on a macro-level of the last 500 years, feminism is doing pretty well. At least in the democratic west. The rest of the world is a bit of a shit show — but that is rarely the focus of the argument. Democracy, individual rights to freedom, constructive disagreement, and the legal process have led to a slow but steady empowerment of disenfranchised individuals —knee-jerk social media shaming, guilt inferred by accusation alone and ever fractious identity politics have set everything back at least 20 years. Rape culture isn’t solved by policing each other’s language and thoughts, that’ll just drive it underground and it’ll emerge later in society in some fairly unpleasant ways. See racism and the election of Trump as a good example of this.
I enjoyed the individual story about your friend and how that impacts your process of how to be in the world — but not the further point of using that story to change the behaviour of others. The problem behaviours will iron themselves out (albeit slowly) in a society that promotes tolerance, compassion and discussion between people. This is naturally how people become more tolerant and understanding and it starts from childhood and grows with each generation of intelligent compassionate parenting. And by that I don’t mean teach your child to be a social justice warrior, I mean teaching your child to think rationally and caefully.
Once you start trying to change others or try and hold people accountable to your world view — you start becoming part of the problem you’re trying to solve. Enforced social justice, identity politics and policing the social contract has never been and will never be the solution to this problem.
I did however very much enjoy your article :o)
