Hard limit for me. If my partner ever snooped my phone the relationship would be over. Not because I have anything of interest to hide – but such an action is such a gross violation of personal boundaries that the relationship would be irrecoverably damaged and unsalvageable from that point on.

I’m glad it worked out for you and your partner and perhaps I take a very hardline stance on this issue – but the desire to control the behaviour of another person by fair means or foul is a huge red flag for me. I’d be out, polyamory or not.