I think you're broadly right - but you're guilty here of the same kind of thinking that people do when they hear about women who stay with violently abusive men, or escape and then return to them. There are any number of ways to leave an abusive man, well known ways to signal for help, places you can go to get rescued, a number of people to go to the police - but some women often don't opt for them (or at least not easily.) The reasons for this are as varied and complicated as human psychology gets and. It looks like a very simple problem to solve from the outside, but it fundamentally isn't. The difference is perhaps that the boundaries around physical violence are different from emotional violence. All physical violence encompasses emotional abuse, but not all emotional abuse is violent.... and whilst it is still abuse, it does not have the legal heft. The world of child protection taught me that. Some of the most damaged kids I met were damaged not because their parents hit them, but because what their parents did was far worse than hitting - but not easily evidenced.

And yes, you can pay attention to what you're buying into - but let us remember, you and I are similar, we're both articulate, competent, confident and boundaried - either by life experience or nature. Some adults are just children who don't know better but have survived longer than 18 years. Caught in the complex machinations of a chaos-person or manipulator, their boundaries are easily deflected and thrown asunder.