I think you've paraphrased me there - what I've said is 'your oppression is pretty bad - I'd suggest you do something to psychologically defend yourself from its ravages rather than become more sensitive about it - in the meantime, we will work at resolving the source of your distress politically and socially'. It's not that I don't care, rather the consistent dialogue about how awful everything is stymies both progress and conversation. I don't want people to be abused or oppressed, but I certainly don't want them to prolong their abuse or oppression even inadvertently.

And yes, I see the performative actions story - but it only makes sense in a closed system. A system where everyone agrees. This would also apply in a church next door, where codified behaviours are applied and any deviation from those codified behaviours would create a learning experience. Those sorts of behaviours for example 'being gay' are not tolerated in the confines of the church and slowly the attitudes of the people inside shift and change. In much the same way you wouldn't tolerate people who's attitudes towards sex would impinge upon your own, they don't either. So now we have two buildings next door to each other with unspoken rules, policing their set of cultural values with intolerance - both believing the behaviours of those who transgress are oppressive.

Now... I'm also poly, so I would much rather be in your building.... but I'm also the city planner and I need to find a way for both buildings to co-exist. At the moment the owners of both buildings want the other one demolished because of their own moral reasoning and their very sincere belief that their building is the only correct way of viewing the world. That's fine... provided these people agree they can co-exist without attempting to demolish each other's building. What I would prefer is a third building where people can come and chat, maybe with tea (I'm British after all) and talk about why the rules of their club might impinge upon the happiness of others, without insisting their building is the only way a society can function. :o)