I thought this piece was quite good. My grandfather refused point blank to go to America because he found the eating habits too distressing. Whilst we have become adept at eating with a knife and a fork, it is apparently common place for Americans to cut everything up and then use a fork to 'shovel' everything in, sometimes with their elbows on the table - which, as any Brit of a certain age will tell you, is a huge deal. My grandfather thought Americans to be vulgar and opted out of the transatlantic special relationship on those grounds alone.

The last time I went there I was shocked to find my American friends didn't have a kettle. I had to drink only coffee... for an entire week. Like an absolute fucking heathen. That shit stays with you. I'm not boiling water on the stove like it's the 14th century - the US needs to get a grip.