I'm unsure why you think we're arguing a different idea. We aren't. I've googled 'You should meet Marnita' and you're doing exactly the sort of thing which needs to be done. You're bringing together people from different backgrounds and putting them in the same room to help them foster some sort of shared understanding. This is EXACTLY what needs to be done - and it needs to be done in the way that you're doing it. Anything that brings people face to face and stories which can ground white folks in empathetic compassion are perfect.
But I'm also broadly on the side of Steve QJ and his take on things, which I think is both rational and sensible. This is one of the best essays on race across the entire platform and launched his career on Medium - and rightly so. I suspect you have a lot in common.
And I've seen on this platform, people trying to equate their treatment at private hang-gliding clubs with slavery, people deciding the casting of Bridgerton is the defining issue of our time. In short, if we let everyone speak about everything and set themselves to broadcast - how do we actually start a meaningful dialogue? In many articles, there is simply a two group dichotomy in which we funnel the concept of 'goodies' and 'baddies'. Such polarised thinking is wrong and will stymie progress.
As you've pointed out, your husbands children were given a gilded path through education while your own boy needed to be fought for. There are two ways to solve that problem.... we can shout at teachers, or we can have people like you teach advocacy skills. I would suggest the second path first (as a matter of urgency) and then think about how best to overhaul the system. That might be a bit of shouting at teachers here on Medium, but I think a more successful route would be to ensure there's statistical accountability across the system. How many letters are being written, who writes them, why are they written? Then, an education themed brunch with teachers who don't think they're racist as part of a hearts and minds campaign. Skill sharing, different models of marking/checking in. Self evaluation and supervisor led support along the lines of implicit bias free from judgment. Is that pandering? Perhaps.... would it evoke more meaningful change? I think so. Is it frustrating that change isn't happening of its own accord? Sure. I'm with you on that - but wishing it away doesn't make it so.
So... no, this isn't really about shutting black people up, not at all. I think there are important conversations to be had and important stories to be told, and that people like you (and to some extent me) need to have those conversations in good faith so others can read them. I think there are some people we have already lost to racial hatred - and those people will never be converted, and we shouldn't bother trying... I think there are plenty of people in the centre ground who have been scared away from participating because they don't see the benefit in honest conversation. I'm not one of those people - and if I ever find myself in Minnesota I will come for a sit down meal, because I think we'd have a lot to talk and argue about and we'd enjoy each other's company.
I was a professional advocate for children in the care system here in the UK for around a decade (until I burned out) - and I've met and been privileged to know a lot of people who have the same energy and drive as you. If you bring MarnitaSpeaks to London anytime then let me know. :o)
