It's closer to a craving for familiarity - whilst you might not consciously choose someone who is a tyrant, in some cases people choose what matches their early years experience. For some people, the chaos of jealousy and rage feels both terrifying and comforting in equal measure. Protecting oneself from this would require extensive work and the healing of a lot of demons.

The same is also true of the men, no boy grows up wanting to be the sort of man who beats his girlfriend to death and lives life on the knife edge of jealous rage.... it is just what is comfortable for his brain. These two people often find each other and push each other's buttons very quickly. Even when these people 'do better' they often sabotage and return to familiarity, they often actively choose by action but protest by words. When words and actions don't align, it's usually best to watch someone's actions.

There's an article about this coming up. It's a rewrite but it covers aspects of this.