Okay, I'm back complete with a rebuttal.

I think you're completely correct, the missing voices here are those of the older non-binary people and people who can contextualise what 'non-binary' means for the wider population. I think you've done an admirable job here. That said, NB has become a handy-moniker on which many teenagers (and not Uni students/those in their twenties) can hang their psychological woes upon. This is problematic - because as you said you were non-binary before the term existed and I don't think we've correctly identified what the term means, leading to widespread misunderstanding.

I am actually a leftist - but I am an economic socialist lefty with very little time for identity based arguments. i think much of society could be made better by moving money into schemes encouraging people to mix more and reduce both stress and tension at the sharp end. i think the identity movement, which includes much of what happens at the younger and more affluent end of society is actually counter-productive to the overall push for a safer society for all.

I don't mind being cancelled, but I don't think I should be.

Personality is indeed how people present and different facets of personality can mean different presentation in different parts of society.

I'm still fine with being cancelled.

Adolescence is a time of exploration and we should be careful with this. Gender dysphoria fits into this... I used to work in child protection and I think there are plenty of instances where children are correctly identified as trans from a very young age and are given appropriate treatment, but we must be careful we shouldn't attribute gender dysphoria to being trans when it can be a presentation of something else. This is what child protection is about, even if we don't agree on the methodology used.

Trans people require special treatment under the law - but that special treatment can be co-opted by people claiming to be non-binary/exploring. This leads to an obfuscation of what is being discussed.

Narcissism isn't bad, it's a learned childhood response to complex childhoods. Anyone and everyone can become narcissistic given the pre-conditions but should such narcissism present itself, the current state of the discourse around LGBTQ+ and other cultural identity movements are likely to be an ideal place to be. Social justice narcissism is very real because the attention, praise and inclusion it brings are huge social motivator for narcissists. That's complicated but needs more discussion and probably a whole separate article.

I did wonder if someone would enjoy the irony of a bird identifying figure calling out bird people. The difference is perhaps one of intent in identification but the point is well made.

Okay that's dealt with the ad-penguinums. Onto the meat of the essay.

"I disapprove of this new idea and kids are excited about it" isn't my reasoning. My reasoning is.... "I think we need to build a more inclusive society, I don't think the current methodology is working". I think we're creating a confusing mess by insisting that there is both binary sex and non-binary positions between the two. I can't see how both can exist - and perhaps because we're hearing more from the Trans community about how important they feel binary sex is, I am currently siding with them.... though you have made me reconsider my opinion.

I'm not trying to say 'this is youthful exploration and I disapprove because I'm a conservative (because I'm not). I'm trying to say what the youthful people need is some guidance because both of these ideas cannot really be pushed for at the same time and do not really philosophically co-exist. This seems to be at the heart of what you and your friend have discussed and debated, even if you have found an entente cordiale about it, I'm not convinced such a position will last for too much longer.

I think my underlying assertion that trans people would be worse off is correct if non-binary were offered the same protection, but this needs some caveats. Trans-people are relatively easy to define, non-binary people are not. You have stated a score of 260 out of 500 but where do we draw the line? 5? 497? We can say this won't cause chaos in society, but if we extend legal privileges along these lines, Non-binary will become a legal defence available to sociopaths and psychopaths - and this in turn will cause problems for the wider LGBTQ+ community.

You're arguing for the second type of society, which is the one I think I favour (when I really sit and think about it), the world in which personality as expressed through gender is a large smudge, some males are women and some females are men - and people move back and forth depending on their mood. I'm not sure society is pushing that way - this presents problems that you've correctly identified for trans-people.

It is that which needs to be discussed and at length.

If you read me often, and you may or may not, then you'll find my articles are perhaps a little more black and white and less nuanced than my overall position. The point of Medium, as far as I can see, is to discuss the complex issues that affect society and to do so with relative good humour in the hope society moves to a better place.

Thanks for carrying on the discussion. I hope more people find this piece. :o)