Seance with the ghost of Maggie Thatcher!!! hahahhaha. Love it! Though, given my upbringing and subsequent political world view that would very much count as a micro-aggression. This comment is excellent and gives other readers a chance to consider my article from a different light.
I think where we're differing here is the extent to which we think feelings are a social responsibility vs a personal responsibility. You've said you're a gay man who is 66, this puts you firmly in a group of people who were discriminated against both legally and socially in Western Democracy. That's not up for debate, being young and gay when you were young and gay was not a good psychological space to be in. The difference between myself and Thatcher is that I think society should legislate for legal changes to make the world more equitable. I believe it should be illegal to discriminate against you because you're gay, lesbian male, female, disabled, black, trans... pretty much whatever. I think the world should be equitable and that groups should come out in support of legal redress to discrimination.
But, no matter how hard you try, you cannot legislate against people's biases. A liberal society can't do that. You can't wave a magical wand and make people not homophobic if they happen to be so. All you can do is curtail their right to enact that homophobia and nail them down in the courts if they deviate from what we have collectively agreed to be equitable. This means society is formed of groups of people who a) don't agree with each other and b) don't like each other. When these groups bump into each other they are either likely to get aggressive with each other, which can be policed and remedied in law, or they're going to be restrained and give each other signals that indicate their psychological displeasure. There is nothing we can do in law which will remedy that.
Which is where the individualism comes in - what you've interpreted as 'suck it up' or 'it's all in your imagination' isn't exactly that. You've likely grown up in an environment where hypervigilism was necessary and protective and your brain may have carried it into your adult life. You are likely very attuned to the characteristic tell-tale signs that someone isn't entirely on board with you as a human being - that will go off like a warning bell in your brain and generate an automatic response... a protective mechanism. From here, there are two ways to go.
You can speak to other people within a group you identify with... and they will validate your experience or you can work on your individual response. If you do the former (particularly younger people in forums) then every experience becomes validated and the feedback loop grows exponentially quicker until the group reality becomes your defined reality. I think this happens with some members of the Trans community and they cease to be able to function in the real world.
If you work on an individual level, you will likely work towards a process of contentment. That's not Thatcherite, it's recognising that you as a person have a complex self, have been affected by numerous interactions across your life and can move to a place where you're able to sort the psychological wheat from the chaff. I would argue that it's not healthy to find yourself triggered by random strangers whose opinions don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I don't think that's how I want LGBTQ+ friends of mine to interact with the world - I don't think they've made it up, I don't think they should suck it up - I think they should be on a path where they integrate their lived experience into a more helpful thought pattern. Society can only help with the law and policing the law, they cannot help with the internal psychology.
When individuals empower themselves, they can then influence others within that group. LGBTQ+ individuals deserve to be happy and fully integrated as the self and within society...Nothing about the groupthink or microaggressions will lead people in that direction.
I hope that gives a more full response than the article allows. I still believe you should presume everyone likes you - even if they do accuse you of having political allegiances with your childhood nightmares. ;o)
