There’s a lot of insight here. A lot. This brings me great joy as so many people fail to even look at the complicated reasons why they do the things they do.

I wish there was far more of this reflective essay on Medium. I don’t write about myself (not a fan of identity politics) but I admire the work of those who do - and this is truly excellent.

Rowan will be fine, and Rowan should explore the problems that come with not understanding codependency and not being able to leave. It’s tough for those on the outside not to see him as ‘the victim’ - that goes for your cousin too… but that’s an unhelpful dichotomy. I prefer to see things like this as ‘complicated’ rather than the simple narrative of good and bad.

That simple narrative pervades society and does nobody any favours. It cuts off questions, prevents analytical thinking and stymies any attempt towards conciliatory positions. You weren’t an abuser, you were emotionally and cognitively complex and had a boyfriend out of his depth. The relationship was ill advised.

Compassion and understanding is key. Consider me a fan of your work. I predict good things for you on this platform. :o)