This is probably the most nuanced and powerful piece on the subject I've read - you've managed to draw in all the complexities inherent in both the subjective, objective and legal. It's a tough read, but also a necessary read. You have managed to sum it up perfectly, 'he raped me, but he is not a rapist per se'.
I can also answer your question. 'Did Daryl have genuine grounds to believe there was consent?' - the answer is, he would've rationalised that he did. I work in a secure facility with people who have been convicted of crimes. In some (but not all) cases, there is usually a post-hoc rationalisation. Memory works that way. We think we're painting the picture of the events as they were in our heads - but the reality is that our mind paints us the picture most applicable to our image of ourselves. In your case, it chose to exclude the joke and similar details; in his case the opposite would've occurred. So yes, Daryl had genuine grounds to believe there was consent - but the onus should've been on him to triple check and he didn't - that might be a way society wishes to move the discussion. Unless you have EXPLICIT consent then rape is presumed. In the meantime though, a court cannot deal with the additional thoughts that happen inside heads, only with facts and what people say they believed as evidence - that is why Jess was right in your chances of prosecution. You know what you believed - he thought he knew what you believed based on his personal interpretation. He was wrong but the prosecution falls down on those grounds.
I will conclude by saying three things; firstly I am sorry this happened to you and it should not have done. Society needs to be better. Secondly, (and perhaps controversially), I am also sorry this happened to Daryl, because if he truly internalises what you've said he will know that he was guilty, if not legally then at least morall and that's a tough thing for him to live with and fully comprehend. I'd liken it to killing someone else through gross negligence rather than murder - ultimately, another human still ended up dead and you have to live with that. Furthermore, (and this is important) you don't have to care about Daryl one iota - it is not your problem so pay it no heed.
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, pieces like this are creating a culture where people are educated properly. These are difficult conversations to have, emotionally laden and complex by their nature... but this last point is important. You are part of the conversation which makes the outcome different for the next generation. I hope this article does well and the algorithm smiles upon it. More of my Penguin thoughts can be found here in a previous story if you're interested:
