Two people debating and disagreeing with intelligence and respect should be what differentiates Medium from other social media sites. Our world views are markedly different and that's entirely fine - I hope that anyone who reads our back and forth sees the futility in 'picking a side' and instead takes on board what we both say.
It may be that we've interacted before I assumed the mask of penguinity. I imagine we did. I invented my penguinity to avoid what has happened in this discussion. The bringing in of personal immutable characteristics to invalidate or validate what is being said. Opting out perhaps, or refusing to play the game.
My race and sexual orientation may be useful to know because they allow my objectivity to be called into question. This supports your argument. I'm not offended by this - and in your position, I would do the same, because I think you have a legitimate point. That said, I'd like to challenge it.
When we talk about 'privilege' through the lens of identity politics, we take away the multi-faceted nature of what that word means and distort it to suit our own world view. That's problematic. Privilege comes in a whole bunch of shapes and sizes, which include race and sexuality. It also includes almost everything else. You're a handsome chap, that's privilege, you're living in a western liberal state, that's privilege, you may not have been sexually abused as a child, that's privilege, you may be relatively wealthy, have a high IQ, be over 6-feet tall, not have a noticeable deformity or disability. All of these things are privileges afforded to you that have nothing to do with sexuality or race.
This may sound dismissive and I don't intend it to be at all. Every human being is a contradictory and complicated mess of privileges and lack-of-privileges. That's what being human is about. You and I can be compared and contrasted along multi-dimensional lines and will find that one of us is privileged and one of us isn't.
Why identity politics fuels racism is simple. You'd be hard pushed to make the argument that you have less privilege than one of the straight white homeless heroin addicts that attend the soup kitchen I cook for. The argument is ostensibly valid, but flies in the face of real-world evidence presented. It is this real-world discrepancy between lived experience and theoretical power-dynamics that demagogues can use to exploit jealousy and bitterness. It is this which fuels racism - and identity politics (focusing on yourself as a victim and throwing this out into the world as an inalienable and unchallengable right) that is causing the world to become more divided.
Which brings me to your niece. Firstly, I'm sorry that she's experiencing that. Kids are horrible, kids are cruel and the psychology of teenagers and inclusion is particularly pernicious. At this age, girls experiment with in-group and out-group behaviours and are absolutely vile to each other. When they find something that works, they generally stick with it. That is both terrible and the answer to the current situation. Don't give the word any power and they will stop using it. Being upset is the reward the bullies receive for using the word. If she's feeling particularly compassionate - she might wonder why some of them choose to use this word at all. What are they scared of? What is their motivation. Are they lashing out because of their own lack of privilege. Did your niece inherit your looks and intelligence? Is this how they try and bring her down?
I appreciate that 'ignore it' is very easy for me as a penguin to say, and the lived experience is very different. But your niece will grow up and away from these people. She is an individual with her own strengths and weaknesses and as an adult in her life that has experienced both racism and homophobia - it is incumbent on you to ensure that she doesn't live her life being consistently triggered. That's a two-fold strategy, campaigning strongly for an end to racism (which we both agree on - but is unlikely to be achieved in our lifetimes) and reducing her propensity to see life as a continual struggle with herself as a perpetual victim of a lack of privilege (which we don't agree on) This is where your identity politics meets my individualism.
I think you're wrong, you think it's my privilege that allows me to call you wrong. I think that's partly true and also wrong - I think it's incumbent on all of us, you, me, your niece and everyone else on the planet to focus on ourselves and be the best people we can be... not change the behavior of others through systemic power-games. When we move our focus from oppression to self-empowerment we change ourselves for the better. The behaviour of others changes around us.
My final advice to your niece - look for the kind people, look for the quiet people and look very carefully at the words you're using in your own head. Some of those are being given to you by nasty white people who want to bring you down, and some of those words are being given to you by well-meaning identity politics adherents. Find your own words. Be yourself.
