You’re 100% right on that — and sadly it comes down to the misplaced notion that having a partner equates to ‘being successful’; it’s drilled into both sexes from a young age but men do feel it very acutely. Particularly shy men… they tend to interpret any sign of interest as the green light for marriage.
As a general rule women are much more socialised to be aware of what other people think and feel — part of that is genetic predisposition, and part of that is socialised through culture. Whilst teen boys focus on object play — teen girls tend to focus on people play. It takes a while for boys to stop playing team sports, painting models, fixing cars and focus on their people skills. That’s why we’re perpetually outwitted. Humour is a trait that shows a man can calibrate socially across groups — and they’re unlikely to hit on you. It’s usually a shy boy trait. You’re getting the ones that can’t calibrate and find the whole thing frustrating as hell.
Love that your friend demanded to see a penis at some random point — I suspect that your country and my country socialise children slightly differently. And perhaps a product of our different social circles and individual experience. I have always found American girls relatively forward and refreshingly so. Girls are rarely that forward here.
A quick survey of my social group suggests that men think they did the pursuing and leg work, whilst their female partners inform me that they have to manufacture opportunity and drop massive hints. My good friend had to request piano lessons, invite him to her house, make sure the lessons went on far too long, and then invite him to stay after he kept trying to leave.
A courting dance, hilarious and negotiable. One at odds with just asking to see some penis… which I guess may also work. To get back to your final point… it’s about teaching men to love themselves as individuals and not need validation for their insecurities. This is something that’s being overlooked in the current iteration of feminism which seeks to see one group as oppressing the other — rather than shaping the other through mutual collaboration. It will cause huge amounts of anxiety and even less calibrated young people trying to negotiate the minefield of interpersonal interaction.
I’ve almost always used the book chat up that you’ve suggested — I’m always far more attracted to someone who is either reading or who has the common sense to pretend to read in public. Took me a while to work it out though.
For reference I reckon men get to a passable calibrated standard aged about 28 — if they get married before that point, around 39 (or they hide in the shed when other people come round).
