There is only one true King of England. It’s Andrew The First and we shall have no dissent on the matter at all. — I’ll put it out there. If we’re going to have a family of magical descent running the country then we should stop with all this primogeniture nonsense. We need to get back to the good old-fashioned days and encourage members of the family to murder each other for power. I’m…

Five things you’re allowed to know about my identity and four things you’re not. — What constitutes your identity? If society is determined that we play identity politics then this is a question I feel compelled to ask. Who gets to define the parameters of who I am. What’s their agenda and why does it matter? Here are five things I think I have defined…

These are the two choices a truly liberal society faces and I know which one I’d pick — I love getting into it with my readers. When their names pop up on my notification, a minority of the frosty collective induce within me a sort of watery-bowel-clenching yet semi-euphoric panic. Rex Kerr is without a shadow of a doubt one of those. I know I’m not getting an…

Because whether or not someone is ‘racist’ doesn’t really help you navigate the future. — I’m going to do something radical. I’m going to suggest you stop looking at racism as a race issue. I want you to ignore the colour of everyone’s skin and think laterally instead. This runs contrary to what everyone else seems to be doing, which is putting skin colour front…

Ancient lessons on being a White Knight taken from the days of yore and knowledge of thy betters. — Tarry here awhile gentlemen and I shall impart on thee some ancient knowledge of fair maidens. Thou art looking to bed thyself a comely wench, yet in the jousts of love often has thou found thyself unseated. …

Why society needs to be careful about revising history the other way. Equal but opposite isn’t always better. — I love film. I particularly love film when it’s well done and The Woman King is very well done. There’s Viola Davis for a start, a woman who should be given an Oscar once a year every year because everything she does is mind-fuckingly brilliant. She was even watchable in…

Working hard or hardly working? People of Earth, the choice is yours. — On the one hand, I love being busy, I’m the sort of person who thrives when there’s plenty going on and I’m bouncing from project to project. On the other hand, I’ve got a strong sometimes overwhelming urge to do nothing whenever I feel like it. I’m nothing if not…

As put forward by a Penguin. I think we can all do a little better than repeating the glib bullshit of nester-year — I’m back. I’ve had a bit of a hiatus because I wrote a panto and got pulled into rehearsals (oh no I didn’t!). Yes, those words in brackets will make very little sense to anyone outside of the British isles but it’s a new year and there’s a new me. …

Where did these new Penguin nerves come from? — Life gets in the way sometimes and the end of last year I wandered off to write a Pantomime for my local theatre. I wrote an article about it. …